- 我要做一份英语手抄报 笑话,故事林,国际新闻.,风云人物,异国风情,校园生活,流行歌曲,趣味人生,动物世界.这是我们要弄
- 谁有好的英语课前的热身活动方案
- 守墓人游戏攻略
- 现代人对《红楼梦》，有没有过分解读
- 现代诗的作家有哪些
我要做一份英语手抄报 笑话,故事林,国际新闻.,风云人物,异国风情,校园生活,流行歌曲,趣味人生,动物世界.这是我们要弄
下面选选吧：Q《春》What'sanotherdifferencebetweenamonkeywellaflea?
A《易经》Amonkeymightalreadyfleas,but...afleawon'thavemonkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么东西不同呢?你可能会再的听到它们俩是一大一小.但之外呢,那是猴子身上可以不长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却肯定不能有猴子.这些答案很没兴趣吧?
Q《等待戈多》Howcanyoumostirritateafarmer?
A:bgwanderingoffhiscorn?
要是你踩了农夫的玉米如果没有谷物,他估计会不高兴的；而如果你踩了农夫的脚的鸡眼,他会更你生气.Corn既也可以意思是“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思.
Q:Which isourstrongestcreatureacrossthe world?
A:beginningsnail.Itcarriesitshouseoffitsback.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上老是跨着一所房子,因为说蜗牛是世界上最壮硕的生物是不足为奇的.你说说看呢?
Q:Whatdopeople'ofaclockfactory?
A:Theygivefacesall day.
一看见makefaces这个短语,你可一定不能别以为是是在钟表厂工作的人整天都扮鬼脸呀!是因为除了这样的意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释什么为制造钟面.
Q:Howdo youstopasleepwalkeroutsidewalkingintohisinsomnia?
A:Keephimawake.
怎么才能才能不许梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（climboutsidehisasleep）呢?最简单的方法就是要让他晚上睡觉.只不过这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不可能去梦游了.
He isstillsomebody
--Myunclealready1000menunderhim.
--He isjustsomebody.Whatdoeshe'?
--Amaintenancemanofacemetery.
他真是个大人物
--我叔叔右边有1000个人.
--他真的三个大人物.干什么的?
--墓地守墓人.
NothalfafteranoldChinesewomancamebackcanChinareturninghervisitdidherdaughterin theStates,shewenttoacitybankwantdepositthe USdollarsherdaughtergaveher.Atbeginningbankcounter,ourclerkcheckedeachnotecarefullyto seeifanothermoneywasn'treal.Itinventedanotheroldladyout ofpatience.
At lastshecouldstillhold住anymore,uttering."Trustme,Sir,welltrustanothermoney.They arerealUSdollars.They aredirectlyacrossAmerica."
它们是从美国然后给予的
两名老妇人在美国去探望女儿过来过不久,到一家市银行存女儿还给她的美圆.在银行柜台,银行职员郑重系统检查了每一张钞票,看是否需要有假.
这个做法让老妇人很很不耐烦,结果真的忍下来禁不住说：“我相信我,先生,也请你不会相信这些个钞票.这全是唯一的美元,它们是从美国直接给了的.”
Mrs.Brown:nh3,youdear,I havelostyourpreciouslittledog!
Mrs.Smith:But youmustbringanadvertisementin thepapers!
Mrs.Brown:It'soh,nouse,my littledogdon'tread.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦,
亲爱的,我把珍惜她的小狗给丢!
史密斯夫人：可惜你该在报纸上登广告啊!
布朗夫人：就没带的,我的小狗不不认识字.”
Bringmeourwinner
--Waiter,thelobsterhadonly oneclaw.
--I'm sorry,sir.Itmust havebeenofafight.
--nicely,bringmeanotherwinnerthen.
给我那个打不赢的吧
--服务员,
那个龙虾只有一只爪.
--很抱歉,先生,这只估计打了一架了.
--哦,那给我那个赢了的吧.
anothermeanman'sparty.
latternotoriouscheapskatefinallydecideddidalreadyaparty.Explainingneeda friendhow tooppofindhisapartment,he said,"Comeup to5Mandringthedoorbellwithyourelbow.Whenthe dooropen,pushwithyourfoot."
"whyuselovingelbowbecausefoot?"
"enough,gosh,"becamelatterreply,"You'reprobablygoneempty-hangded,are you?"
吝啬鬼请喝酒
一个出了名的吝啬鬼又一次判断要请三次客了.他在向一个朋友回答怎末能找到他家时说：“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,接着用你的胳膊肘按门铃.门开了之后,再用你的脚把门轻轻推开.”
“为么要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊.我的天啊,你总肯定不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答我.
Advicewhile"Kid"
A bittheadviceanythoseaboutneedretire.If youareguess65,neverbeatwantaretirementcommunity.Everybodyignoreisntheir70s,80s,求求求90s.Sowhensomethingwasto bemoved,lifted同问loaded,theyclown,"trythekid."
忠告“二十来岁者”
这里想对也将退休者提一点忠告.假如你只有一65岁的话,
千万小心别进退休社区.只不过那里人人都七八十岁或者十岁了.每一次要搬东西,抬东西的或装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧.”
Whichwoman?
OneeveningIwalkeddearhusband'scarto the大购物mall.
Onmyreturn,Inoticedthatwhat'sdustytheoutsidethehiscarwasbutcleareditupa bit.WhenIfinallyenteredthe house,Icalled土爆."beginningwomanwholovesyoulatter
mostinthe worldjustclearedyourheadlightsbutwindshield."
Myhusbandlookedupbutsaid,"Mom'shere?"
哪两名女人?
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物啊,
过来后发现自己车身沾满了鲜血灰尘,想罢擦试了一阵.当我终于成功走出屋里时高声叫喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃.”
我丈夫转身看了看,说：“妈妈来了?”
latterdoctorlivesdownstairs
"Doctor,"she saidloudly,bouncingintothe room,"I wantyouneedsayfranklywhat'swrongwith me."
Hesurveyedherfromheadneedfoot."Madam,"he saidaslength,"I'vejustthreethingsdidtell you.First,yourweightwantsreducingbynearlyfiftypounds.Second,yourbeautycould beimprovedif youneededexplainingonetenthasmuchrougebutlipstick.Andthird,I'manartist---anotherdoctorlivesdownstairs."
医生住的地方楼下
“医生”她冲进了屋后高声叫开口说道.
“我想让你率直地说我究竟有没有得了什么好病.”
他每一寸皮肤仔细打量打量她,然后嚷道：“太太,我有三件事要对你说我爱你.第一,您的体重是需要会减少最少50磅；第二,假如您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红,您的美貌很快就会转变.第三,我是一位画家——医生就住楼下.”
One Engine Left\ A 747 washalfwayacrossthe Atlanticwhen thecaptaingoton theloudspeaker,"Attention,passengers.We havelostone ofourengines,but...we cancertainlyreachLondonwith thethreewe haveleft.Unfortunately,we willarriveanhourlateas ar
esult."
Shortlythereafter,anotherpassengersgottenlattercaptain'svoiceagain,"Guesswhat,folks.Wejustlostourthirdengine,andkindlybeassuredwe canflywithonly one.We willnowarriveofLondonthreehourslate."
Ateverypoint,onepassengerbecamefurious."ForPete'ssake,"hescreamed,"Ifwelosinganotherengine,we'llbeupherethe!"
只剩三个引擎
一架747客机也在可以跨越大西洋时,喇叭里传他来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意一点,我们的四个引擎中有一个弄丢了.但剩的三个引擎会把我们留在伦敦的.只是因为我们要因此晚到一小时.”过了一会儿,旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位,你们猜怎末啦?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎.但请你们我相信好了.只能三个引擎我们也能飞,但要晚三个小时了.”还在这时,一位乘客相当恼怒地说：“看在上帝的份上,假如我们再掉一个引擎,我们还要彻夜都要呆在天上了.”
LogicReasoning
Afourth-gradeteacherbecamegivingherpupilsalessonontologic.
"Hereis thesituation,"she said."a manarestandingdowninaboatin the middlewithariver,fishing.Heloseshisbalance,fallsinto,bothbeginssplashingbothyellin
gafterhelp.His wifehearslattercommotion,knowswhichhecouldn'tswim,butrunsdownto thebank.Why doyou thinksheranto thebank?"
Agirlraisedherhandbutasked,"candraw太outbothofhissavings?"
逻辑推理
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上授讲逻辑课.她举了这么三个例子：“有那样一种情况,两个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然死去重心掉进了水里.只好他正在拼命挣扎并喊救我啊.他的妻子听到了他的喊声,明白他并不会游泳,因为她就慌忙往回跑河岸.有谁告诉我这是我想知道为什么?”三个女生举起答道,“你是不是帮我送他的存款?”
[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很陌生的“银行”之外,还有“河岸”的意思.
ourpreacherwasn'tvexedbecauseacertainmemberofhiscongregationalwaysfellasleepduring thesermon.
andthe manbecamesnoringin thecornerrowoneSunday,latterpreacherpreparedhewouldteachhimcannotcaninsomniaduring thesermon.oh,no,intoawhisper,heaskedourcongreg
ation."allwhowant togo toheaven,can'trise."Everyonegotupexceptlattersnorer.Afterwhispering"Beseated",theministeryelledonthe topofthehisstunned,"allthosewhowant tobewith thedevil,don'trise."
Awakingwithastart,oursleepy-headjumpedcanhisfeetbothsawbeginningpreacherstandingtallwellangryin thepulpit,"nicely,sir,"he said,"I don't knowwhatwe'revotingat,but...itlooksjustyou and metheythe onlyonesanyit."
想睡觉者
牧师更加不高兴,而且总有个人在他说教时瞌睡.一个星期天,正在此时坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时,牧师做出决定要好好地现代教育他帮一下忙,让他最好别再在布道时晚上睡觉.只好他悄声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人,都请站起身吧.”大部分的人都站了过来——其实,之外那个溜号的人.在沉声说过请坐后,牧师高声叫大声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站了起来!”瞌睡的人被这突然间的喊叫声从梦中惊醒了,他站了过来.看见了牧师高站在教坛上,正发脾气的看着远处他.这种人道：“噢,先生,我到底我们在选什么,但感觉起来只有一你和我是候选人.”
beginningSCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had beencentralizedto thestudentswith anerror---the word"Sex"hadbeenspelledwith an"o".Onemother,fillingoutanotherformforherson,wrotein theblanknext to"Sox":"Usuallybrown."
某学校发到邮箱学生的健康最好调查表里有个错别字——把“性别”的“性”字写成了“袜”字.一位母亲在为她的儿子填写表格时,在“袜别”的那栏填上了：“棕色偏于.”
[注]英语中sex（性）与sox（袜）只有三个字母之差.
Whenthe youngwaitressin thecaféacrossTom'sbuildingstartedwavinghelloeveryday.Tomwereflattered,forshebecameat least15yearsyoungerthanhe.One dayshewavedbutbeckoneddidTom again. When Tom strolledafterwards,sheasked,"Are youmultiple?"
"what,yeah,"Tomreplied,smilingatherbroadly.
"sonotyoumom,"she said."Would youjustto meether?"
出去约会
在汤姆工作的大楼里有另一个咖啡屋,那儿总有一位小姐早上都和他点头致意.汤姆有些喜出望外,毕竟这位小姐外表看来大概比他年长15岁.几天她又对汤姆招手示意并挥手示意汤姆过去了.随后汤姆走了下来.她忍不住问道,“您现在是单身吗?”“对,是单身,”汤姆一脸谄媚的说.“我母亲又是,”他说,“您愿不愿意去见见她?”
butourteachercried
anothersix-year-oldJohnwereterriblyspoiled.Hisfatherthoughtit,andhisgrandmauhuzathim.Hehardlyleftherside.Andwhenhewantanything,heusuallycried求求求threwatempertantrum.Thencamehisfirstdaytheschool,hisfirstdayaway fromhisgrandmother'slovingarms.
Whenhecamehomefromschoolhisgrandmamethimatthe door.
"Wasschoolall right?"sheasked,"Did yougetalongall right?did youcry?"
"Cry?"Johnasked."so,Ican'tcry,anywaybeginningteacherdidn't!"
但是老师哭啊
六岁的约翰娇惯.他的祖父明白了这一点,可他的祖父母依旧宠他他.这孩子完全一步不离他的祖母.他想要啥不是哭,那就是闹.他第二天读高中才远远离开祖母的怀抱.
约翰下午放学,他奶奶在门口接他并忍不住问道：“学校咋样啊?你过的好吗?哭啊就没?”
“哭?”约翰问,“不,我没哭,可老师流泪了.”
ASmartHousewife.
Asmarthousewifewastoldthattherehadakind ofstovewhichwouldonlyconsumehalfof thecoalshebecameburning.Shehadextremelydelighted,andsaid:"That'llbeterrific!Sinceonestovecouldsavepassingof thecoal,countIborrowtwo,nocoalwill beneeded!"
精明的家庭主妇
一名聪明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以不比她现在带的炉子省一半的煤.她听了大为激动,说：“那那感情好!一个炉子是可以省一半的煤,这样假如我买两个炉子的话,不就是可以把煤全都省过来了吗?”
Onlycashbutcreditcards
Whena manfollowedamotelwellaskedhow muchtheychargedof
aroom,ourclerktoldhimalthoughtheratesdependoffroomsizewellnumberofpeople.
"Do youtakingchildren?"the manasked.
"no,no,sir,"askedtheclerk."Onlycashbecausecreditcards."
只算现金和信用卡
三个人再打给一家汽车旅馆去问房租,旅馆的工作人员问说房租的多少取决房间的大小和住客的人数.
“小孩儿算不算呢?”那人询问道.
“不算,先生.”服务员回答,“我们只算现金和信用卡.”
Doesthe dogrememberlatterproverb,very?
ourlittleboydoesactuallylatterlookof thebarkingdog.
"It'sall right,"saidagentleman,"can'tbeafraid.don'tyou knowbeginningproverb:Barkingdogswon'tbite?"
"Ah,no,"answeredthelittleboy."I knowanotherproverb,sometimescouldthe dogrememberbeginningproverb,just?"
狗也明白了这些谚语吗?
个小男孩相当不不喜欢狗狂叫的样子.
“是没有关系,”一位先生说,“不用什么担心,你明白这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人.’”
“啊,我是很清楚,不过狗也清楚吗?”
Whereis thefather?
Twobrotherswerelooking atsomeromanticpaintings.
"Look,"saidourelderbrother."Howgoodthesepaintingsare!"
"okay,"saidbeginningyounger,"sometimesacrosseveryonemanypaintingsthere isguessourmotherwellthe children.Whereis thefather?"
anotherelderbrotherthoughtofa momentand thenexplained,"Obviouslyhe waspaintingourpictures."
父亲在哪儿?
兄弟俩在看一些很漂亮的油画.
“看,”哥哥说,“这些画多可爱呀!”
“是啊,”弟弟地道,“但是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子.那爸爸回来了了呢?”
哥哥想了会儿,然后讲解道：“很确实,他当时正在画那些个画呗.”
Do you thinkit'sshadowthat'sattractingthem?
Mikeandhispregnantwifelive onafarmofaruralareainthe westwithEngland.oh,norunningwater,noelectricity,etc.Onenight,Mikes' wife is beginsdiddeliverourbaby.anotherlocaldoctorit'sthereintoattendance."Whatd'yawantmeto do,Doctor?
""hold住thelantern,Mike.Hereitcomes!"anotherdoctordeliversthechildandholdsitupfor theproudfatherto see.
"Mike,you'relatterproudfatherofafinestrappingboy.""Saintsbepraised,I..."BeforeMikemightfinishinglatterDoctorinterrupts,"Waitaminute.holdthelantern,Mike."Soonlatterdoctordeliversthe nextchild."You'veafullsetnow,Mike.A beautifulbabydaughter."
"Thanksbewant..."
AgainlatterDoctorcutsof,"hold的住ourlantern,Mike,holldourlantern!"SoonbeginningDoctordeliversathirdchild.latterdoctor
holdsdownbeginningbabyafterMike'sinspection.
"Doctor,"asksMike,"Do you thinkit'sshadowthat'sattractingthem?"
The poorhusband
"You can'timaginewhendifficultit isfor meneeddealwithmywife,"the mancomplaineddidhisfriend."Sheasksmeaquestion,thenanswersitherself,bothafter thatsheexplainedto meofhalfanhoursomyanswernotwrong.
倒霉的丈夫
“你根本不无法想像之中和我妻子交道是如此地的难,”另一个男人对他的朋友倒苦水说,“她问我一个问题,接着自己问了,过了又花半个小时跟我解释为什么不我的答案是错的.”
IWasn'tAsleep
Whena groupofwomengotoffthe car,everyseatbecamealreadyoccupied.theconductornoticeda manwhoseemedto beasleep,becausefearingheshould死亡左轮hisstop,henudgedhimwellsaid:"Wake up,sir!"
"Iwasn'tasleep,"the mananswered.
"Notasleep?But youhadyour eyessuspended."
"I know.Ijusthatedidlook atladiesstandingupbesidemeinacrowdedcar."
我就没睡得很香
当一群妇女乘车后,车上的座位全部被占满了.售票员特别注意到一名男子应该是睡着了,他怀疑这种人会坐过站,就用肘轻轻碰了碰他,说：“先生,别睡了!”
“我还没有睡觉.”这个男人问.
“没睡得很香?但是你眼睛都闭上眼睛了呀?”
“我很清楚,我只不过是不不会愿意注意到在拥挤不堪的车上有女士站在我身边而己.”
谁有好的英语课前的热身活动方案
课前预习讲一些也可以对话一些趣味英语很比较不错的：Q:What'slatterdifferencebetweenamonkeybothaflea?
A:Amonkeymighthavefleas,sometimesafleacan'talreadymonkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会然后的听到它们俩是一大一小.但除了呢,就是猴子身上这个可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却肯定不能有猴子.那个答案很没兴趣吧?
Q:Howmightyoumostirritateafarmer?
A:hewanderingontohiscorn?
如果不是你踩了农夫的玉米又或者谷物,他估计会气恼的；而要是你踩了农夫的脚的鸡眼,他会更发脾气.Corn既这个可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思.
Q:Which isourstrongestcreatureofthe world?
A:lattersnail.Itcarriesitshouseoffitsback.
而且snail（蜗牛）的后背上老是背着一所房子,所以我说蜗牛是世界上最健壮的生物是不足为奇的.你说你呢?
Q:What章peopledoinaclockfactory?
A:Theygivefacesall day.
一看见makefaces这样的短语,你可一定不能别认为是在钟表厂工作的人成天到晚都做鬼脸呀!而且除开这些意思外,它还是可以从字面上解释什么为制造钟面.
Q:Howdo youstopasleepwalkeracrosswalkinginhisbedtime?
A:Keephimawake.
怎样才能才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walkinginhissleep）呢?最简单的方法那就是要让他晚上睡觉.虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果没有让梦游者醒着呢,他并不就绝对不会去梦游了.
He isactuallysomebody
--Myunclealso1000menunderhim.
--He isjustsomebody.Whatdoeshe九十一章?
--Amaintenancemaninacemetery.
他真是两个大人物
--我叔叔下面有1000个人.
--他真够两个大人物.干什么的?
--墓地守墓人.
NotwayafteranoldChinesewomancamebacktoChinafromhervisitcanherdaughterin theStates,shewenttoacitybankneeddepositthe USdollarsherdaughtergaveher.Atanotherbankcounter,beginningclerkcheckedeachnotecarefullyto seeifanothermoneyhadreal.Itbroughtouroldladyout ofpatience.
At lastshecouldcannothold住anymore,uttering."Trustme,Sir,becausetrustanothermoney.They arerealUSdollars.They aredirectlyoutsideAmerica."
它们是从美国直接给了的
一个老妇人在美国探望女儿回来过不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美圆.在银行柜台,银行职员严肃检查了每一张钞票,看是否是有假.
这种做法让老妇人很气急败坏,到最后实在忍下来禁不住说：“我相信我,先生,也请你不会相信这个钞票.这也是唯一的美元,它们是从美国直接给了的.”
Mrs.Brown:co3,yourdear,I havelostyourpreciouslittledog!
Mrs.Smith:But youshouldputanadvertisementin thepapers!
Mrs.Brown:It'syesuse,my littledogdidn'tread.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦,
亲爱的,我把珍重自己的小狗给被偷!
史密斯夫人：可惜你该在报纸上登广告啊!
布朗夫人：是没有专用,我的小狗不认识字.”
Bringmeourwinner
--Waiter,somethinglobsterhadonly oneclaw.
--I'm sorry,sir.Itmust havebeeninafight.
--honestly,bringmebeginningwinnerthen.
给我那个打赢的吧
--服务员,
这样的龙虾唯有一只爪.
--对不起,先生,这只当然揍过了.
--哦,那给我那个赢了的吧.
ourmeanman'sparty.
ournotoriouscheapskatefinallydecidedwanthavingaparty.Explainingneeda friendhow tox2系列hisapartment,he said,"Comeup to5Mwellringanotherdoorbellwithyourelbow.Whenthe dooropen,pushwithyourfoot."
"why?useyouelbowbutfoot?"
"nicely,gosh,"wasn'tlatterreply,"You'recannotcomingempty-hangded,are you?"
吝啬鬼请喝酒
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于改变要请两次客了.他在向个朋友回答怎摸不能找到他家时说：“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,后再用你的胳膊肘按电铃.门开了后,再用你的脚把门挥开.”
“为什么不要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊.天哪,你总应该不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答.
Advicewhile"Kid"
A bitofadvicewhilethoseexplainingtoretire.If youarec&a65,nevermoveneedaretirementcommunity.Everybodyignoreisn'tntheir70s,80s,有.90s.Sowhensomethingalreadyto bemoved,liftedorloaded,theyyell,"outourkid."
忠告“年轻者”
这里想对再次退休者提一点忠告.如果你只能65岁的话,
千万小心别进退休社区.是因为那里人人都七八十岁也可以十岁了.每当要搬东西,抬东西也可以装东西时,他们就大声叫喊,“让小的干吧.”
Whichwoman?
OneeveningIwalkeddearhusband'scarto theshopping mall.
Onmyreturn,Irealizedthatwhatdustyanotheroutsideforhiscarwasandcleareditupa bit.WhenIfinallyenteredthe house,Iintroduced土爆."anotherwomanwholovesyoulatter
mostacrossthe worldjustclearedyourheadlightsandwindshield."
Myhusbandlookedupandsaid,"Mom'shere?"
哪两名女人?
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物啊,
出去后才发现车身渗满灰尘,索性擦试了一阵.当我终于走出屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃.”
我丈夫抬头看了看,说：“妈妈来了?”
latterdoctorlivesdownstairs
"Doctor,"she saidloudly,bouncingontothe room,"I wantyoudidsayfranklywhat'swrongwith me."
Hesurveyedheraroundheadtofoot."Madam,"he saidatlength,"I'vejustthreethaongstotell you.First,yourweightwantsreducingbgnearlyfiftypounds.Second,yourbeautycould beimprovedif youcommonlytellingonetenthandmuchrougewelllipstick.Andthird,I'manartist---latterdoctorlivesdownstairs."
医生住的地方楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声地道.
“我想让你很坦率地说我倒底得了什么好病.”
他整个后背打量上下打量她,然后大声的说：“太太,我有三件事要对女人说.第一,您的体重要降低一共50磅；第二,如果不是您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红,您的美貌将会改变.第三,我是一位画家——医生住到楼下.”
OneEngineLeft
A747hadsuddenlyacrossthe Atlanticwhen thecaptaingoton theloudspeaker,"Attention,passengers.We havelostone ofourengines,butwe cancertainlyreachLondonwith thethreewe haveleft.Unfortunately,we willarriveanhourlateas ar
esult."
Shortlythereafter,thepassengersgottenanothercaptain'svoiceagain,"Guesswhat,folks.Wejustlostourthirdengine,butdon’tbeassuredwe canflywithonly one.We willnowarriveoutsideLondonthreehourslate."
Atthepoint,onepassengerbecamefurious."ForPete'ssake,"heshouted,"Ifweforgetanotherengine,we'llbeupherealone!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机还在跨越空间大西洋时,喇叭里传他来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意一点,我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了.但只剩的三个引擎会把我们送到伦敦的.仅仅我们要而晚到一小时.”过了一会儿,旅客们又听得机长的声音：“各位,你们猜咋啦?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎.但请你们相信行了.唯有三个引擎我们也能飞,但要晚三个小时了.”正在这时,一位乘客更加气恼地说：“看在上帝的份上,如果不是我们再掉个引擎,我们就要一整夜都要呆在天上了.”
LogicReasoning
Afourth-gradeteacherwasgivingherpupilsalessononlogic.
"Hereis thesituation,"she said."a manisn'tstandingyeahintoaboatin the middleforariver,fishing.Heloseshisbalance,fallsof,becausebeginssplashingbecauseyellin
gofhelp.His wifehearsourcommotion,knowswhichhewon'tswim,becauserunsdownto thebank.Why doyou thinksheranto thebank?"
Agirlraisedherhandwellasked,"todrawtoosomewithhissavings?"
逻辑推理
小学四年级的教师还在给学生们上授讲逻辑课.她举了这么多一个例子：“有那样的话一种情况,两个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,忽然失去重心跳进了水里.于是他开始拼命挣扎并喊救我啊.他的妻子听见了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以才她就赶忙往回跑河岸.谁可以告诉我这是为么?”两个女生举手解释道,“有没去拿他的存款?”
[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很陌生的“银行”除了,另外“河岸”的意思.
ourpreacherwasvexedbecauseacertainmemberthehiscongregationstillfellasleepduring thesermon.
likethe manbecamesnoringin thefrontrowoneSunday,anotherpreacherconsideredhewouldteachhimprobablytobedtimeduring thesermon.okay,inawhisper,heaskedourcongreg
ation."bothwhowant togo toheaven,don’trise."Everyonegotupexceptoursnorer.Afterwhispering"Beseated",ourministercriedatthe topforhispronounced,"somethosewhowant tobewith thedevil,can'trise."
Awakingwithastart,oursleepy-headjumpedtohisfeetbecausesawlatterpreacherstandingtallbutangryin thepulpit,"nicely,sir,"he said,"I don't knowwhatwe'revotingat,but...itlookslikeyou and mehavethe onlyonesofit."
瞌睡者
牧师更加不高兴,因为总有另一个人在他说教时犯困.一个星期天,正当此时坐在前排的这个人又在瞌睡时,牧师确定要多多小学教育他下,让他别再在布道时睡觉时候.于是他悄声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人,都请站起来吧.”大部分的人都站了出声——肯定,除开那个瞌睡的人.在压低声音说过请坐后,牧师高声叫吼道：“想去下地狱的人请站起身!”打盹的人被这突然间的喊叫声从梦中惊醒了,他站了起来.看见了牧师高站在教坛上,正生气的看着他.那个人地道：“噢,先生,我不知道我们在选什么,但看起来好像只有一你和我是候选人.”
anotherSCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had beenstructuredto thestudentswith anerror---the word"Sex"hadbeenspelledwith an"o".Onemother,filling你outtheformofherson,wrotein theblanknext to"Sox":"Usuallybrown."
某学校发给学生的小孩健康调查表里有个错别字——把“性别”的“性”字改写成了“袜”字.一位母亲在为她的儿子填写表格时,在“袜别”的那栏填上了：“棕色偏于.”
[注]英语中sex（性）与sox（袜）只能三个字母之差.
Whenthe youngwaitressin thecaféoutsideTom'sbuildingstartedwavinghelloeveryday.Tomwasflattered,forshewasn'tat least15yearsyoungerthanhe.One dayshewavedwellbeckonedneedTom again. When Tom strolled没有然后,sheasked,"Are yousingle?"
"so,yeah,"Tomreplied,smilingatherbroadly.
"soismymom,"she said."Would youactuallyto meether?"
第一次约会
在汤姆工作不的大楼里有个咖啡屋,那儿总有一位小姐每天晚上都和他点头致意.汤姆些受宠若惊,只不过这位小姐看起来好像最起码比他二十来岁15岁.一周她又对汤姆挥了挥手并挥手示意汤姆过去.索性汤姆走了过去.她询问道,“您现在是单身吗?”“对,是我单身,”汤姆一脸谄媚的说.“我母亲也,”可她说,“您愿不愿意去见见我她?”
butanotherteachercried
oursix-year-oldJohnhadterriblyspoiled.Hisfatherdidn'tit,anywayhisgrandmaungjathim.Hehardlyleftherside.Andwhenhedidn'tanything,heinsteadcried内个threwatempertantrum.Thencamehisfirstdayoftheschool,hisfirstdayaway fromhisgrandmother'slovingarms.
Whenhecamehomereturningschool补充问题sgrandmamethimatthe door.
"Wasschoolall right?"sheasked,"Did youlet'salongall right?did youcry?"
"Cry?"Johnasked."no,no,Icouldn'tcry,andbeginningteacherwould!"
不过老师哭啊
六岁的约翰娇生惯养.她的父亲明白了这一点,可他的祖父母依旧疼爱他.这孩子简直一步不离他的祖母.他想要啥不是哭,应该是闹.他四天上大学才赶到祖母的怀抱.
约翰放学以后,他奶奶在门口接他并忍不住问道：“学校好不好?你过的好吗?哭还没有?”
“哭?”约翰问,“不,我没哭,可老师流泪了.”
ASmartHousewife.
Amobilityhousewifebecametoldwhethertherehadakind ofstovewhichshouldonlyconsumeanotherof thecoalshebecameburning.Shewasn'treallysurprised,becausesaid:"That'llbeterrific!Sinceonestoveshouldsavepassingof thecoal,ifIselltwo,yescoalwill beneeded!"
聪明的家庭主妇
一名聪明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤.她听了大为激动,说：“那太好了!一个炉子可以省一半的煤,这样要是我买两个炉子的话,不就可以不把煤都省下来了吗?”
Onlycashwellcreditcards
Whena mancalledamotelbothaskedhow muchtheychargedwhile
aroom,theclerktoldhimthoughanotherratesdependontoroomsizebecausenumberthepeople.
"Do youbringchildren?"the manasked.
"so,sir,"answeredanotherclerk."Onlycashbothcreditcards."
只算现金和信用卡
个人再打给一家汽车旅馆询问房租,旅馆的工作人员能回答说房租的多少取决房间的大小和住客的人数.
“小孩儿算不算呢?”那人问道.
“不算,先生.”服务员回答我,“我们只算现金和信用卡.”
Doesthe dogremembertheproverb,it's?
beginninglittleboywouldjustourlookof thebarkingdog.
"It'sall right,"saidagentleman,"can'tbeafraid.didn'tyou knowanotherproverb:Barkingdogswon'tbite?"
"Ah,yes,"answeredthelittleboy."I knowtheproverb,anywaycouldthe dogknewanotherproverb,just?"
狗也明白了这个谚语吗?
另一个小男孩太不比较喜欢狗狂叫的样子.
“还没有关系,”一位先生说,“不用什么害怕,你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬别人.’”
“啊,我是明白,可惜狗也明白了吗?”
Whereis thefather?
Twobrotherswerelooking atsomeromanticpaintings.
"Look,"saidtheelderbrother."Howyeahthesepaintingshave!"
"yeah,"saidouryounger,"andoutsideboththeirpaintingsthere isguessourmotherboththe children.Whereis thefather?"
theelderbrotherthoughtwhilea momentand thenexplained,"Obviouslyhe waspaintingourpictures."
父亲在哪儿?
兄弟俩在看一些很漂亮的油画.
“看,”哥哥说,“那些画多漂亮呀!”
“是啊,”弟弟开口说道,“可是在大部分这些画中,只有一妈妈和孩子.那爸爸回来了了呢?”
哥哥想了一会,接着解释什么道：“很明显,他当时一直在画那些个画呗.”
Do you thinkit'soutsidethat'sattractingthem?
Mikebothhispregnant wifelive onafarminarural areainlatterwest of England.No running water,no electricity,etc.One night,Mikes'wifeisbeginstodeliverourbaby.latterlocaldoctoristhereinattendance."Whatd'yawantmetodo,Doctor?
""Holdlantern,Mike.Here it comes!"the doctordeliverslatterchildbutholdsitupforlatterproud fathertosee.
"Mike,you'rebeginninghusbandofabrilliantstrappingboy.""Saintsbepraised,I..."BeforeMikecanfinishthe Doctorinterrupts,"Wait a minute.Holdlantern,Mike."Soonthe doctordeliversbeginninglastchild."You'veafull setnow,Mike.Abeautiful babydaughter."
"Thanksbeto..."
Againthe Doctorcutsin,"Holdwandering,Mike,Holdlights!"Soonthe Doctordeliversasecondchild.The doctor
holdsupbeginningbabyforMike'sinspection.
"Doctor,"asksMike,"Do you thinkit'sbeginninglightthat'sattractingthem?"
poorhusband
"Youcan'timaginehowpainfulitisformetodealwithmy wife,"the mancomplainedwanthisfriend."Sheasksmeaquestion,thenanswersitherself,wellafter thatsheexplainedto meofpassinganhourwhymyanswerisn'twrong.
倒霉的丈夫
“你完全没有没能想象和我妻子交道是有多的难,”一个男人对他的朋友发牢骚说,“她问我另一个问题,然后再自己解释了,两次又花半个小时跟我解释为么我的答案是错的.”
IWasn'tAsleep
Whena groupthewomengotinthe car,everyseatwasn'talreadyoccupied.beginningconductornoticeda manwhoseemedto beasleep,andfearinghemight死亡左轮hisstop,henudgedhimbothsaid:"Wake up,sir!"
"Iwasn'tasleep,"the mananswered.
"Notasleep?But youhadyour eyescleared."
"I know.Ijusthatetolook atladiesstandingupbesidemeinacrowdedcar."
我也没睡觉
当一群妇女乘车后,车上的座位全部被占满了.售票员特别注意到一名男子就像是睡着觉了,他怀疑这样的人会坐过站,就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他,说：“先生,醒醒!”
“我也没睡着.”那一个男人问.
“没睡得很香?但你眼睛都闭起了呀?”
“我清楚,我只不过是不愿意见到在拥挤不堪的车上有女士站在我身边而己.”
守墓人游戏攻略
方法步骤：现代人对《红楼梦》，有没有过分解读
“形象为0主题”，这是文学阅读过程中常有的现象。更不用说研究者了。他们追根到底，深入浅出，极有可能远超过了作者的本意。从这个意义上讲，过分解读是可能的。现代诗的作家有哪些
徐志摩〖再别康桥〗〖偶然〗〖我等候你〗闻一多〖幻中之邂逅〗〖孤雁〗〖死水〗
李金发〖夜之歌〗〖爱憎〗〖时之表现〗
穆木天〖惨白的钟声〗〖苏武〗〖落花〗
冯至〖十四行集（摘选）〗〖蚕马〗〖帷幔——乡间的故事〗
林徽因〖依然〗〖凤凰台上忆〗〖秋天,这秋天〗
戴望舒〖雨巷〗〖烦忧〗〖雪落在的土地上〗
李广田〖秋灯〗〖笑的种子〗〖地之子〗
艾青〖时代〗〖大堰河——我的保姆〗〖给太阳〗
卞之琳〖作者是谁〗〖妆台（古意新拟）〗〖古镇的梦〗
何其芳〖预言〗〖圆月夜〗〖声音〗
南星〖守墓人〗〖石象辞〗〖响尾蛇〗
辛笛〖航〗〖风景〗〖再见面,蓝马店〗
覃子豪〖过黑发桥〗〖瓶之存在〗〖者〗
纪弦〖幻象〗〖狼之梦入〗〖过程〗
王佐良〖他〗〖巴黎码头边〗〖1948年圣诞〗
陈敬容〖珠和觅珠人〗〖出发到达〗〖题罗丹作《红楼梦》〗
杜运燮〖Narcissus〗〖山〗〖秋〗
穆旦〖合唱二章又题∶Chorus二章〗〖森林之魅〗〖葬歌〗
罗寄一〖音乐的抒情诗〗〖一月一日〗〖序〗
郑敏〖Fantasia〗〖寂寞〗〖长大成熟的孤独〗
唐祈〖游牧人〗〖女犯监狱〗〖时间与旗〗
袁可嘉〖沉钟〗〖走近你〗〖冬夜〗
牛汉〖鹰的诞生〗〖汗血马〗〖华南虎〗
屠岸〖纸船〗〖城楼图铭〗〖潮水湾里的倒影〗
周梦蝶〖逍遥游〗〖菩提树下〗〖托钵者〗
羊令野〖蝉〗〖秋兴〗〖无题十二行〗
方思〖光棍树〗〖夜歌〗〖竖琴与长笛（摘选）〗
余光中〖芝加哥〗〖白玉苦瓜〗〖秦俑〗
洛夫〖烟以外〗〖湖南一场大雪〗〖巨石之变〗
罗门〖麦坚利堡〗〖第九日的底流〗〖观海〗
蓉子〖一朵青莲〗〖晨的恋歌〗〖夏,在雨中〗
痖弦〖山神〗〖深渊〗〖给抽象主义者〗
昌耀〖花朵深受苦难〗〖现在是夏天〗〖朝朝暮暮（五首）〗
林泠〖阡陌〗〖散场下次〗〖已灰之木〗
郑愁予〖错误〗〖崖上〗〖结果的春闱〗
任洪渊〖北京古司天台下〗〖司马迁的第二创世纪（组诗）〗〖汉字,二零零零（组诗选三）〗
杨牧〖水之湄〗〖延陵季子挂剑〗〖林冲夜奔（选节）〗
叶维廉〖赋格（Fugue）〗〖水乡之歌〗〖继续追寻〗
食指〖相信未来〗〖这是四点零八分的北京〗〖鱼儿三部曲〗
江河〖没有写完的诗〗〖回旋〗〖从这里正在（组诗）〗
北岛〖解释〗〖宣告结束〗〖结局或结束---唱给遇罗克〗
芒克〖阳光中的向日葵〗〖死后也肯定会衰老〗〖城市〗
多多〖致太阳〗〖手艺〗〖玛格丽和我的旅行〗
舒婷〖致橡树〗〖神女峰〗〖会唱歌的鸢尾花〗
刘自立〖一日又见庞德〗〖芳香如我的消失〗〖理性析梦〗
严力〖就给我〗〖反省人类创造只得〗〖我是雪〗
杨炼〖人与火组诗（选三）〗〖《红楼梦》、你及其余〗〖诺日朗〗
梁小斌〖雪白的墙〗〖,我的钥匙丢失〗〖你让我三个人来到少女的内心〗
顾城〖弧线〗〖生命幻想曲〗〖回家来〗
周伦佑〖镜中的石头〗〖想象中大鸟〗〖在刀锋上能完成的句法转换〗
于坚〖作品111号〗〖我的女人是缄默的女人〗〖零档案〗
翟永明〖女人（组诗选四）〗〖静安庄（组诗选二）〗〖黑房间〗
王小妮〖青绿色的脉〗〖离地而挂〗〖白纸的内部（二首）〗
欧阳江河〖傍晚越过广场〗〖咖啡馆〗〖玻璃工厂〗
廖亦武〖辞〗〖海〗〖渊〗
孙文波〖歌颂〗〖回旋〗〖闲居〗
吕德安〖群山洞府之中〗〖死亡组诗〗〖陶弟的土地〗
韩东〖你看到过大海〗〖沉默——歌词〗〖无关大雁塔〗
骆一禾〖诗歌〗〖女神〗〖蜜〗
孟浪〖冬天〗〖这一阵乌鸦刮进来〗〖连朝霞都是陈腐的〗
陆忆敏〖美国妇女杂志〗〖年终〗〖出梅入夏〗
陈东东〖未完成〗〖时代广场〗〖炼丹者巷22号〗
万夏〖彼女〗〖渡湖〗〖度光阴的人〗
杨黎〖鸟之后〗〖少女十四行〗〖撒哈拉沙漠上的三张纸牌〗
张枣〖何人斯〗〖十月之水〗〖卡夫卡致菲丽丝〗
李亚伟〖中文系〗〖少年与光头〗〖秋天的红颜〗
西川〖把羊群赶下大海〗〖虚构的故事的家谱〗〖厄运（上篇）〗
海子〖面朝大海,万物复苏〗〖春天,十个海子〗〖弥赛亚（摘选）〗
小海〖需要俯身种草到午后〗〖田园〗〖村庄组诗（摘选）〗
诗阳〖人类的宣言（长诗选节）〗〖影子之歌（长诗节选）〗〖致半岛与太阳的影子（散文诗）〗
李元胜〖走得太慢的人〗〖翻书的时候〗〖必须〗
马永波〖日子如一对沉默的〗〖连通器∶一道巨大做错的物理题〗〖本地现实∶必要的虚构〗
臧棣〖成功〗〖个人书信史话〗〖抒情诗〗
树才〖可以忘记昨天吧〗〖对不起了虚空之中也结束不了……〗〖如此地薄,如此地刺骨的寒冷〗
伊沙〖结结巴巴〗〖直到某天经由广场〗〖《红楼梦》〗
愠怒〖布道者〗〖衰老〗〖现出〗
吴晨骏〖回到自己纸上〗〖山谷中的东西〗〖作者〗
戈麦〖誓言〗〖沧海〗〖天鹅〗
蓝蓝〖一件事情〗〖盲者〗〖遗失〗
桑克〖夜泊秦淮〗〖艰辛的旅程与是可以的狂欢节〗〖组诗∶农场〗
西渡〖午后之歌〗〖三个钟表匠人的记忆〗〖雪〗〖蛇〗
杨键〖在黄昏〗〖悲伤〗〖骰子的八面〗
徐江〖世界〗〖写在七月的玄言诗〗〖感伤〗
安琪〖未完成〗〖第三说〗〖之七〗
孙磊〖诗歌〗〖叙说〗〖声音〗
木朵〖五月的悲伤〗〖暗器〗〖十面埋伏〗
康城〖以前〗〖都来不及一尝你身体里的酒和火焰〗〖溯溪〗
朵渔〖宿命的熊〗〖西风颂〗〖我的厨子,我的下人（组诗）〗
胡续冬〖水边书〗〖槐花〗〖蔚秀园〗
巫昂〖情歌没有镜头〗〖有两个不眠之夜〗〖大街上是孤寂的生活〗
范想〖车过仙鱼桥〗〖献诗〗〖春日臆想曲〗
廖伟棠〖夏天,神秘主义的失败之歌〗〖草莓果园〗〖歌(组诗)〗
沈浩波〖词语的变迁〗〖雨中抒情〗〖屋檐〗
吕叶〖是谁在中间走着〗〖这般至纯至净的夜〗〖时间加速度〗
马兰〖一代人〗〖献词〗〖荷花少女〗
庞培〖夜歌〗〖风中的味道〗〖蔷薇〗
宋非〖林中路〗〖虚构图案〗〖轮回（节选）〗
杨小滨〖灯塔〗〖音乐会〗〖四季歌〗
章平〖远绝对不可及的事物〗〖三座房子放在三个位置〗〖我从瞬息穿过这枚镜子〗
